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Post  :uss on Sun Mar 27, 2011 10:14 pm

Jesus Christ the True story

/It's morning. God Almighty , Saint Joseph and Formerly Virgin Mary are sitting around
the breakfast table and eating. Mary breaks the silence./
Mary:Where's Jesus? His food is getting cold. Next time, his making his own breakfast!
Joseph:There, there now, don't be so harsh on him, a good sleep is good for your health.
Mary: Alright then, tomorrow you can sleep as long as you like and make your own breakfast later!!
If I have to get that boy , oh I will...
God: Wait!(doing tricks with his(at the moment god is a male person) hands) He is awake and on his way here.
Joseph: Did you have to make those ridiculous things with your hands?
God: No, it was just to add some style.
Joseph: Show off!
/Jesus enters the room./
Mary: Look who's awake, took you some time!
Jesus: Jeah, jeah (yawns), what's for breakfast?
/Jesus walks to his seat./
Mary: Well it was nice warm burgoo, but now it's all cold!
Jesus: Oh, for Christ's sake, mom you know I hate burgoo!! I'm going to make myself a sandwitch.
Mary:And throw away all that food??
God: Do you know that children in Samaria are starving?
Jesus: And that's my fault? I've done nothing wrong ever!
/Tries to go further to the kitchen, but stops when Joseph starts talking./
Joseph: (coughing his voice clear) Jesus, I found an empty bottle of Saaremaa's Vodka behind your table.
Jesus:(mouth opens and closes few times) Oh, that was for my .. chemistry class, we had to get alcohol
out to make water out of vodka.
God: Oh realy, is that so, well perhaps that's correct, but whatabout girls underwear in your closet?
Jesus: Eem.. right, that was for biology class, a girl came over and we eem studied and she must have
forgotten those here.
Mary:(in sarcastic way)"Well that's logical." It's not over yet, sit down! I fond some green and brown
coloured grass like things in a plastic bag. What are those for?
/Jesus walks down to the kitchen and makes himself a sandwitch/
Jesus: Well that's for smoking , it's weed.
(Everyone is thinking)
Mary: What????
Jesus:You know smoking pot, getting high, ringing any bells? Cannabis? Ganja?
Joseph:Smoking grass, yeah.
/Everyone is looking at Joseph/
Joseph: What? That was in college, before I met you, Mary.
Mary: Tonight you're sleeping on the couch!
God:Jesus, why in the name of me, are you doing drugs? You're supposed to be a guide to humen race, not
a junky! Drugs are bad m'key!
Jesus: Why I can't smoke weed? All the other kids are doing it! What do you want of me? To become an
outcast? To become some kind of a saint?
Joseph:Yes! Why cannot you be like us? Jesus Christ, start being a decent young son of a god.
Jesus: So I can be a son af a god and do what? Besides only you dad...
Joseph and God: Yes!(angry watching eachother for a moment)
Jesus:The holy one, only you can say that you actually do something that matters, Joseph is a carpetner and
mom, you are no saint, how can I say virgin to my mother?
/Joseph and Mary jump up./
Jospeh and Mary: (Joseph says:) How dare you to say something like that? (Mary says:) What? Now you're
grounded mister!
Jesus: God damn you all, I hate this family!
God: Hey, watch your language!
/Jesus runs out of the kitchen./
God: Kids,they just can't understand what's best for them... And that drugs are bad.
/End of first act./

/Two days later.God Almighty , Saint Joseph and Formerly Virgin Mary are still sitting around
the breakfast table and eating. Mary again starts the conversation./
Mary:Honey, can you pass me some milk?
/Joseph and God both crab the milk bottle? and stare eachother with hate in their eyes./
Joseph: She asked me, let go of the bottle!
God: I'm the God, trust me she asked me, I know.
Mary:Holy Mary the Mother of Christ, just give me the milk!
God and Joseph: Here you go, darling.
/God and Joseph are staring eachother for the last time and then starting eating again./
Mary: Talking of Jesus, I haven't seen him for two days now, darling, the Holy one, have you got any clue
where he might be?
God: He has been learning his lessons for the future.
Mary: How come? I don't understand.
Joseph: It's the God's way, never something certain and logical, but always truthful. Pisses me off.
Mary: But where is he now?
God:(Starting to do some magical movements.)
Mary: Stop that, just tell us!
God:(Giving up and letting his hands down) Alright, he's at the front door, coming inside right now.
/Jesus enters the room and silence comes./
Jesus:Hi, I'm back.
Joseph: Son, tell us honestly where have you been and we won't punish you. We promise.(Fingers crossed
behind your back.)
Jesus:Well.. I was with some friends and we made a bet who can drink most beer and still drive steadier
with speed no less then 100 km/h. Well needless to say, thet I won the prize- a ticket to jail for a 24
Mary and Joseph:(Mouth is open but make no sounds.)
God:(Giggiling by himself)
Jesus: I messed up okey, I should have listened to you.
God:Yes, you should have and what did we learn from that?
Jesus: That we never should...(phone rings and Jesus answers) Ahah, I'll be right there! Sorry guys, got to
go, my buddy Nicholas is throwing somekind of a X party or Xmas party, but sounds cool. See you later!
/Jesus runs out of the room./
Mary: What just happened here?
Joseph: Your own son got cought for drinking and driving, and you do nothing about it?
God: Calm down, let him have his fun now, he will pay for it later(God, Mary and Joseph are standing up and
keeping heads down and arms wide making a crosslike thing.)
/Music comes from background:"Gloria!" about 3-4 times then music stops, Jesus comes back and everyone bows
to public./

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